'Loose Bruce'

Loose,
you fucking idiot!
put me staring straight down the barrel
of a loaded 12 gauge

went to Pittsburgh - a Styx concert of all things –
I don't even no why in the hell 'cause
I hated Styx - but I think the premise
was to find a couple of tickets being scalped

something to do out of sheer boredom maybe,
or just to get inside and go on a dope hunt
I think we were dry 'cause if we had been carrying
we would have been wearing numbers that night

couldn't get the tickets, so you, you goof-ball,
...I knew you had boosted a car or two before,
and I knew your basket was shy an apple or two,
but when you laid eyes on the parking garage,
I knew we were knee deep in shit

tried a few windows first, I remember,
while I watched in numb, but abject horror
I remember you looking for keys left in ignitions -
that's when I saw them ... they had us Hollywood style on film, you ass-hole!
about 100 yards off, a cop and his dog in the far stairwell

(a German Shepard nonetheless)

I took off as fast as my ass could move
made it to a stairwell about 30 yards away at the opposite corner
I heard a really ominous and close growl,
like a werewolf was about to have me for dinner

next thing I know is the dog had me by the leg
and pinned against the wall,
fastest dog I have ever witnessed while moving away from it...
I think it was on steroids

then the unmistakable sound of a shotgun being pumped
and a Pittsburgh cop levelled it to my head and said
'DON'T MOVE' - as if he thought I might - 'TURN AROUND SLOW'

(just as I was about to ask how I could do both - the consummate 'wise-ass' that I was)

a plain clothes Detective squeals in on two of four wheels,
skull fucks us a good long while while he runs us
....says if he ever catches us back in Pittsburgh
that we would spend some time together in Allegheny Number 1

Scared the shit outta' me so bad
I didn't go back there until I was a middle-aged man,
I would expect you went right back; I would expect you tried again,
If you are alive, I would suspect you are still doing it

– or time –