?

I don't understand why I bought life insurance

Dirty Harry

this one sounds contrived, and so much like bullshit that it's hard to swallow, but I don't write fiction folks, that just fuckin' ain't me-

Chai, Nozum and myself had gone to see 'Dirty Harry' when it first hit the box office (the movie where Eastwood introduces the .44 Mag. handgun)
the movie had just let out, and we were walking down a slope in the sidewalk (towards a back alley/side street that went to some really sleazy joints)
when we heard a very distinct 'boom'

we turned and saw a back dude dressed like a pimp
(leaning out of a pimp-mobile)
hand resting one the window frame of the open door
biggest fucking handgun (since the movie) I had ever seen –
it appeared to be aimed straight at us

a whole rush of people ran down the slope and ended up
at the only store which still had lights on
- a kinda' 'yuppy' aquarium store
everyone was banging on the windows and the door to get in
but the pricks wouldn't let us

finally, probably out of fear we were going to break the glass
they let probably 10 or so of us in
and guided us all down into a basement stairwell

we didn't raise our heads again until we heard the sirens
we never knew, but suspected he was shooting at somebody who had just ducked into the alley in front of us
...we just happened to be lucky enough to be caught in the crossfire

'Loose Bruce'

Loose,
you fucking idiot!
put me staring straight down the barrel
of a loaded 12 gauge

went to Pittsburgh - a Styx concert of all things –
I don't even no why in the hell 'cause
I hated Styx - but I think the premise
was to find a couple of tickets being scalped

something to do out of sheer boredom maybe,
or just to get inside and go on a dope hunt
I think we were dry 'cause if we had been carrying
we would have been wearing numbers that night

couldn't get the tickets, so you, you goof-ball,
...I knew you had boosted a car or two before,
and I knew your basket was shy an apple or two,
but when you laid eyes on the parking garage,
I knew we were knee deep in shit

tried a few windows first, I remember,
while I watched in numb, but abject horror
I remember you looking for keys left in ignitions -
that's when I saw them ... they had us Hollywood style on film, you ass-hole!
about 100 yards off, a cop and his dog in the far stairwell

(a German Shepard nonetheless)

I took off as fast as my ass could move
made it to a stairwell about 30 yards away at the opposite corner
I heard a really ominous and close growl,
like a werewolf was about to have me for dinner

next thing I know is the dog had me by the leg
and pinned against the wall,
fastest dog I have ever witnessed while moving away from it...
I think it was on steroids

then the unmistakable sound of a shotgun being pumped
and a Pittsburgh cop levelled it to my head and said
'DON'T MOVE' - as if he thought I might - 'TURN AROUND SLOW'

(just as I was about to ask how I could do both - the consummate 'wise-ass' that I was)

a plain clothes Detective squeals in on two of four wheels,
skull fucks us a good long while while he runs us
....says if he ever catches us back in Pittsburgh
that we would spend some time together in Allegheny Number 1

Scared the shit outta' me so bad
I didn't go back there until I was a middle-aged man,
I would expect you went right back; I would expect you tried again,
If you are alive, I would suspect you are still doing it

– or time –

Hey 'Joe'

gave you some thought today

was talking to a friend,
and how the book was written
the day you rode into town
with CC ride her, every one's sex kitten 'hawn'

saw her on a documentary but I don't know the year
Mardi Gras was the setting, sucking a cock shaped pacifier
she was enjoying it fat and long...that's her alright
(I've heard they use 'em for cottonmouth... from Ecstasy I believe)
...like she needs them both – Shit!

she told me you had a thumb out somewhere along the way
picked you up and blew you, brought you along to play
no reason to doubt 'cause she was dense as lead at best
the voyage is a simple one to chart going East to West

tall and lanky you was, but never made a nickle of sense
beach fried blond frizz of a pumpkin head
cheeks like a cherub fixed in immortal smile
from a stoning beyond what the Roman's could sling

with a mind spent on weed laced with 'Super K'
like a deep fried chicken
always searching for the excrement of Aves
before the deadly day

some say you took a fall
a helluva' drop in those hills
maybe the ground below looked and had
the Chesapeake Bay appeal

hey, maybe you just got too hot
and went for a plunge back then
just like you did back in bowie days
in the merry of merry land

well, I've gotta' run now 'Joe'
go turn the thermostat down
getting way too hot in here
for friends to come around

funny 'Joe', that's all we ever knew you by
even the free one I think might not have known
I doubt she ever asked you before or after you were blown
as long as you had a joint laced with 'K',
she didn't mind your DNA

I'd like to sit and talk some more 'Joe'
...about bird shit and such
but it's time for me to go
someday we may know the name
that follows you 'Joe'

I'm letting loose the ghosts in my soul
other 'ghost hunters' can track the trail
I've given my all, that's all I will tell
my time is too short 'Joe', so I wish you well

'possum'

Hey Jim, how are you doing?
We were kids once - grew up together
Remember catching snakes down at the creek?
We are 50 now Jim...

Started out you were 'opossum'
Your twin John we called 'weasel'
(whom, by the way, had no resemblance)

Haven't seen weasel in years - hope he is well

Hey, you got that job in the mine
That was gold to us back there...
Paid for your truck...man it sat high

(That's when you became 'Space Ride'-
scared me shitless to ride with you)

Ah man, but then the blow of snow and the fall
...a lot of steps
Hit your head hard, they said - scrambled you like an omelet
You never came to man...

Just so you know, you were buried with your Harley
You had a long procession 'possum'....beau coupe bikes

...crow

Regression Therapy

A long time gone now
We were young and really stupid
Whacked from all the delusions we could buy
Thought we were a 'family, you know - Manson
Even carved an "X" into our soles
Too chicken-shit to do it like Charlie
Still, we left a ridiculous footfall

A turn of the century (2oth) graveyard
'Ethnic' at that, so not the best of care
...given the dead
Initiation by fear
Well known among the 'stoners' and the 'zoners'
A vault long broken in to

So the deal was to go at midnight
...with only a flashlight
Climb into the busted out panel of the cement vault
Once inside, the cold stench of stale death was ever present
Like the smoke from the bowl

The step down into the crypt was a reach
And it caused a slip and fall into an open coffin
The light revealed a headless corpse
Odd, but the body really does turn to dirt
A powder of distinct brown color..I likened it to clay
...still do in my mind
Some bone intact, and clothes from God knows when
Rotted pieces clinging to arm and chest cavity

Shine the light down the crypt
1"x 6" planks staggered at right angles as they descended
Four layers into the loam - each layer of plank at a right angle
...to the layer below
On each rested one, and maybe two caskets
Memory won't serve...
I've blocked the least, but am haunted by the worst

Desecrated and disrespected the dead...a family most likely
How fucking sick of a thing to do!

Me, once a straight 'A' kid...once, a school safety patrol boy
Same school where 'the teach' touched my innocence
I may end him if I could, but I digress...
I'm better than that

I wonder about that head to this very day...
on an altar or mantel somewhere perhaps